letters to my little bird

I dream of a lifetime with my little one. I want to be around when he becomes a father. I want to point at his child and say 'this is exactly what you used to do, when you were his age'. I want to share the rest of my life with him. but I know I may not be able to be around. Situation has taught me to think otherwise.

the fate of our relationship is not in our hands, but chotopakhi remember that where ever you are, however you are, I will always love you. remember that you will always be special to me. If I have to rip open my heart to protect you, I will; no questions asked.
Little one, a time will come when you will loose trust in everything around you, and you will go around trying to put the blame on everyone near and dear to you. my son, dont despair. God burdens no one beyond his capacity. Be patient,  there is always light at the end of the tunnel. 
You were given to me in turbulent times, and I have faith in the Almighty's decision. I had decided to have you no matter what the future had in store for us. I knew very early on that I may not be able to provide you everything needed for your proper growth, but that does not keep me from wanting the best for you. Deep within I feel that you will be strong enough to take in whatever life throws at you. Allah knew everything, including the things you will be facing growing up, therefore he has made you likewise to be able to adapt to the upcoming conditions. Chotopakhi, when you are in the grimmest of situation, dont ask 'why me?' ask 'why not me?'. Make yourself understand that every passing thing in life is a test, and being patient is the only thing that matters. God thinks you can handle the pressure therefore he is only testing you.
I have always had faith in the truth. The truth has the power of revealing itself. Dont believe everything you hear, and most importantly don't believe something because you want to believe it. Only believe in the truth, and only the truth. People are so driven by perception that they loose hold of the truth, and that is the most dangerous. 
Dont judge anyone, we are not the ones to judge others, we hardly have any clue what the other persons journey is about, what is going on in his mind, so why judge. Only because you disagree with someone, doesnot mean that the other person is any less than you, agree to disagree; everyone has their point of view and that is equally as important as yours!

Be a strong believer of 'karma' what goes around, does come around! be it a curse, be it a help. So only do your deed, dont keep score of what you get in return, because keeping records will only make you feel that you are not getting what you deserve. Believe me, everything gets compensated....everything!
Therefore learn to forgive. trying to get even never works. either one ends up getting hurt. You will meet people who will not jump the puddles, even if you cross the oceans for them. Forgive them, just forgive them. They are immature and lack wisdom, never try to get even with them, pray for them, and forgive them; but dont stop helping them. That they do not jump the puddles for you is their shortcoming, it has nothing to do with you. If you stop helping them, you bring yourself down to their level. Never stop doing what you believe in, be persistent in what you want to achieve. Achieve the right things  for the right reasons and the right way. Don't go for the right things for the wrong reasons or the wrong way. The thing may loose value in the process.

That is all I have for you for today!
Chaos!

First cake ever

Sometime around this time, last year, birdie cut his first cake. His one month-birthday actually. Interestingly his name was Ayman Amin then.

Oh! another thing.....Eid ul adha was also on the same day. A goat was sacrificed on the same morning on birdie's name, and the name was 'Mahbir'. Cannot remember the last name though.

So basically in the morning, his name was Mahbir, and in the evening his name was Ayman. And ofcourse now, he has a different name (which will be kept confidential ofcourse!)

I keep a dairy for my little bird. There is a writing about his name in it....will post it next time!

When you want things that bad

Making videos of birdie is quiet tough. His affinity for the camera pulls him away from the task he was doing previously. Like here, he was playing with the football intently, and enjoying himself. As soon as he saw the camera, he ditched his play.
I love the part where he starts getting mad at me. He reminds me of one of very ill-tempered grandfather.....'Moku dada'

The One word that means the world

Birdie called me 'Maa' today, for the first time.

Maybe it was just a random utterance of some letters for him, but to me it meant him recognizing his relationship with me. Ah! a moment of bliss. All the hard times faced in trying to nurture him, all the sleepless nights holding him in the arms, trying to console him gets belittled with the utterance of one single word.  One small meaningless sound, yet how huge the impact is!

All the pains and hardships one endures as a parent, gives returns in multiples. 

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Birdie overuses the words 'ba' and 'da' since the words he most hears are 'abba' (what I call him) and 'Adel'. I once tried to teach him the word 'ma' by referring to him as amma. Everytime I called him ' amma' he searched around for his Nanu. Clever kid!

Obhiman!

Faata Kopal!

:(

Jaime beaucoup mon fils!

Like every child, birdie loves cell phone. Since 4 months of age, just when he learned to roll, he would locate the position of cellphone on the bed, and roll towards it.
As he got older when someone asked me about him, I would occasionally put the cellphone to his ears. Hearing voice from the other end always scared him. Recently since he started hearing songs on our cellphones, he stopped being frightened. He got accustomed to the sounds emitted from cellphones, and understood that these are not 'gayebi awaz' . 

Now when someone wants to talk to him, and I put the phone on his years, he listens intently, but never says a word. My office began yesterday, but owing to his stomach upset, birdie was left at home in the care of his Nanu. Later from office, I called my mother for his updates. My mom gave birdie the phone, and I asked him 'abba, ki koren?' . Since I knew his habit, I was not expecting any reply; but birdie surprised me by babbling out all his vocabulary. Later when I asked my mom if he had actually recognized my voice, she replied me that birdies dadu called little after me, and she also talked to birdie, but he only listened intently.

My little birdie is all growing up, and becoming intelligent day by day. Who knew that a one year old child could actually recognize his moms voice over the phone. Every little depiction of intelligence from birdie makes me proud. All the achievement in the world career-wise, education-wise, can never amount to this. 

Happiness has a new meaning to me now, it lies in my sons smile when he meets me, it lies in my sons crawling towards me, when he sees me. There is no greater love in the world than the love of a mother towards her child and vice versa. This is the only selfless form; every other form of love is selfish, wanting reciprocation, expecting return. 

My little birdie, I don't know how long I can hold onto you, I don't know where fate will take us, but know that I will always love you. You are my first child, no matter how old you get, you will always be my chotopakhi.